I’m going to be trying an experiment soon that was inspired by a person I spoke with on Twitter who wrote one of his novels in 72 hours. I don’t think that’s a great way to write a book, but it might be a great way to finish one.

As it is, I’ve been having trouble finishing up the last several thousand words of my new novel, “Men Waiting For Sleep.” Teaching high school English sort of got in the way of regular writing, and by the time I stopped teaching, I was so far removed from the story that I just couldn’t figure out what happens next. Lately I’ve got a lot more time to write, but not a great place in which to do it…distractions abound. The dog. The dishes. Dinner. Beers in the fridge. The new Netflix movie. The freaking internet.

So I am going to try the ol’ isolation technique. Sometime next month, I am going to get a hotel room for two nights and see if I can spend the entire weekend writing. I’ll get the room in the middle of nowhere (we have a lot of nowhere here in AZ) and try to pound it out.

I feel like my concentration has gone to crap, and I think I know why. Today’s 5 THINGS is a list of 5 distractions that I need to eliminate before I can get any writing done.

1) The Internet.

Faulkner never had to deal with this shit.

Wouldn’t it be nice to just sit around with your thoughts, smoke a pipe in your nice turtleneck, write a great American novel, and just live the life? Yeah, it would. But it ain’t gonna happen, and the number one reason why it won’t is our best friend and worst enemy, the Internet.

Nothing sucks time like the internet. You’re doing it right now, reading my babbling instead of writing a great story. People will tell you to just unplug the internet or turn off your wifi, but I say that won’t work. Why? Be cause plugs can be plugged back in. Wifi is a click away. No, you’ve got to get away from the internet altogether: a dead zone, a wifi Bermuda Triangle. There’s one somewhere nearby, and you need to find it.

The Internet is a perpetual distraction, but it also cuts down on your patience. Try taking a few minutes away from the internet and the computer altogether. Now hold on, don’t go feed the dog or read a book. Just sit. Pull a Faulkner and grab your pipe and turtleneck. Just sit. Stare out the window. LET YOUR MIND RELAX.

Your imagination can’t run wild if it’s always attached to a mouse and keyboard.

2) People.

There’s a reason writers are often considered to be anti-social.  I cannot write a single word if someone else is in the room. Writing in public? Wow, forget it. Writing is not a public act, and as Stephen King says, writers should write with the door closed and revise with the door open. I take it a step further: writers should write with the door to their dark, underground cave closed…you know, the one with a trap door, a dark coffin, fifteen to twenty blankets, and a single bare lightbulb dangling from the dirt ceiling.

Welcome home, writer.

Writing with people around is like driving while extracting a tooth. You can’t concentrate on both, and you can’t do either one well or in some cases safely. So don’t head down to the local coffee shop when you have writer’s block. Instead, head to an empty room and start typing—not for show, not for posterity, but for the sake of the story.

3) Jobs.

Man. What a waste of time, right? Day jobs are keeping me from what’s important! I want to write, but instead I need to get this report done for my unappreciative boss and his sycophantic underlings! Curse this vile life! Curse it!

Settle down. Yes, jobs suck, and they keep us from writing, but this sticking point is perhaps the easiest to overcome. The problem with a job is not that it takes up all of our time, but that it provides us with plenty of excuses not to write: “I don’t have the time, with work and all…when I get home from work, I’m just so tired…”

We’re all guilty of it. And we’re all full of shit. Can’t concentrate after work? Skip that late episode of CSI reruns, go to bed early, and wake up early to write while your mind is fresh.

I am sometimes great at doing this, but when the going gets tough, I suck at it. I’d rather just sleep in and avoid the problem altogether. On the days I do manage to pull this off, however, it sets the tone for the rest of the day and everything seems to go my way. Seriously. Try it. I guarantee results. If it doesn’t work, I’ll send you a free copy of my book.

4) Responsibility in general. Try deciding between writing and doing the dishes. That’s easy: writing, right? Now try deciding between writing and feeding your child or dog. A bit harder of a choice, is it not?

While I firmly believe writing should be a daily endeavor, sometimes it’s necessary to take a vacation from your responsibilities to re-focus, re-energize, and, um, rewrite? If it won’t ruin your marriage or make your parents put out an APB on your whereabouts, try to take a day or two by yourself to think about your story and only your story. When you’re at home, there are a thousand things you SHOULD be doing, when you COULD be writing. Eliminate those responsibilities once in a while if you can, and try to find your focus again. It may even send you into a routine of writing daily, despite your daily responsibilities.

Oh, and please, don’t do this if it will ruin your marriage or other relationships…if your spouse e-mails me and tells me it’s my fault your marriage crumbled, I may have to go into hiding in my underground hovel.

5) Being a Writer. Okay, this is a weird one. Being a writer is about the most distracting thing that keeps me from writing, because in the new era of publishing, a writer is not just a writer: he’s a marketer, a schmoozer, a blogger, a Twitterer, a Facebooker, a book signer…the list goes on. It’s like staring at that Thanksgiving turkey and knowing you can’t eat it as Grandma drizzles gravy all over the best cuts.

Marketing is misery...without sledgehammers.

Sometimes we need someone who will keep us on task as writers. Step away from the Google Adwords page, put the blog post away, get that Word document open and write. The writer from King’s “Misery” had a great motivator, and while I don’t recommend a murderous nutjob, perhaps find someone with a bit more sympathetic understanding…and a shiny boot they’re willing to kick you in the ass with.

Writing is the most important part of your job as a writer. Everything else is secondary, despite what marketing blogs will tell you. If you can’t remember that yourself, find someone who will remind you every single day.